i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we made out on top of his cat.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
