People in love make me want to vomit
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
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Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
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How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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