It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
