i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
