Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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