I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
