Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
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I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
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Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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