She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
