what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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