Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This baby is an asshole
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
