my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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