does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
