So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
