What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
