Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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