sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
