I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
