I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
