just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
