I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
