Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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