my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
