look no pants
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
