3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
