This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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