I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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