i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
