anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
