4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
