dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
it was like eating out sand paper
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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