dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
