If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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