i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
