I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
