fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
