That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
