what day is it and did you see me today?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
