Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I look better un-naked...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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