booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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