Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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