Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
