All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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