$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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