I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
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I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
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Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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