I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I deserve this hangover.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
