I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
