she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
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He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
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she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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