when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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