I showed him my bush... on skype.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
