So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
