you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
