So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
