Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
