his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
