Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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