Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
