What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize