What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You smell like stripper and shame
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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