You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
