I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
