There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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