Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
