Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
