I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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