Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
