with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
