Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
