I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
