I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
