I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
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i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
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An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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