I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
