a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
