You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
