Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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