There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
