You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Bring me that man meat
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
