It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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