There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
