I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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