I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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