You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize