we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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