Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So much Jack, so little girl.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
