You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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