have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
