Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
