I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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