i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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