Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
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I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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