you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize
