The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
