i wish there were pregnant emoticons
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
